Keeping God's Design For Living
By Rob Scivally, Recovered Alcoholic
Bill Wilson writes in his story, “It is a design for living that works in rough going.” This “design for living” is mentioned several times in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, and becomes an underlying theme throughout the book to help show the reader the purpose for taking the 12 Steps. Before getting sober, I was living by my own design and constantly full of fear, anger, self-seeking desires, and self-pity. Once I took the 12 Steps, I experienced the complete opposite: fear left me, and I knew peace and understood serenity. When I compare the two, it’s easy to see that God’s design for living is much more preferable to mine.
When I took Step 3, I made a decision I would start living by God’s design instead of my own. I had no idea what that really meant, so I had to work the rest of the Steps to make conscious contact with God. I went through the 12 Steps as soon as I left the treatment center I was staying at, Homeward Bound. All the promises mentioned in the Big Book came true, making life more enjoyable than it had ever been. Again, God’s design for living, not my own. I learned in Step 10 that I have a daily reprieve, contingent on maintaining my spiritual condition. I’ve made this conscious contact—life is much better—so how do I keep what I have? This new life is great, except it only lasts for one day.
The first 100 have a solution for this, and it’s called Step 11. I have to remember who is responsible for keeping me sober, for the change in the way I think and act. That is God. Step 11 is designed to show me how to not only stay connected to this new Power, but also grow closer to Him. I’m given specific instructions on how to do that. When I wake up each morning, I’m asked to think about the 24 hours ahead. Not the next 24 days, or months, or years. I can only experience God’s presence in the present moment. Not next week or last month. I’m shown in this Step that I must be careful to not drift into worry, remorse, or morbid reflection. Worry comes from something I think is going to happen in the future, and remorse or morbid reflection comes from something I’ve done in the past. If I’m living in the present moment, those things cannot exist.
When my day is complete, I’m asked to constructively review what happened. Was I resentful, selfish, or dishonest? Did I do something that requires an apology? If I’ve done any of these, it’s a perfect opportunity to spend time with God. I can let Him know that I recognized the mistake and can ask Him to help me move forward and not commit the same ones over and over. The whole point of this Step is to spend time with God. Once I’m done going over the day, I can be quiet, shut off my thoughts, and be with God in that present moment.
There are prayers throughout Step 11, such as asking God to direct my thinking, what my next step is to be, or asking Him for inspiration. The Big Book also suggests that if I belong to a “religious denomination,” I’m to take advantage of the devotions offered there. I do belong to a church, and that has been crucial in how I practice this step. My church has specific times we meet to pray and meditate, which is something I might not always do unless I'm part of a larger group of people who share the same goal.
I sponsored a man a few years ago who would wake up an hour early each morning to pray and meditate. This made me start thinking about the time I was spending doing the same thing. I spoke to my sponsor and told him I was concerned because maybe I wasn’t spending as much time with God each day as I should be. My sponsor asked me, “Are you still experiencing the promises in the Big Book? Do you have peace and serenity? Are you free of fear?” My answer was yes. He replied, “Then why are you comparing yourself to what someone else is doing?” “Clearly what you are doing is working and has been for some time, so you need to continue on this path and grow.” A few months later, I found out that the gentleman I was sponsoring drank again. This was an important lesson for me. I needed to focus on my relationship with God and not compare what I have to anyone else.
One of the main things I meditate on is realizing what God has done for me. The patience that He had, waiting all those years while I did whatever I wanted to do, and then still being there for me when I called on Him. I’ve learned a lot—grown over the years—but I still have a long way to go. I’ve learned that humility is necessary when working Step 11. This relationship is between me and God, not anyone else.
So how do I know that Step 11 is working in my life? I look at how the review goes at the end of each day and evaluate the tangible evidence: if my day was filled with resentment, selfishness, and dishonesty, I need to work harder to get close to and stay close to God. If my day was filled with peace, serenity, and the constant thought of how I can help others, then Step 11 is working exactly the way it was designed.
