A Daily Reprieve

By Diane Gilliam, Recovered Alcoholic

Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

One thing I've learned about recovery is that the work doesn't stop just because life starts getting better. That's when the real work begins. Step 10 reminds me recovery isn't a one-time cleanup of my past. It's a daily commitment to look at myself honestly, recognize when I'm getting off track, and be willing to do something about it.

It's easy to focus on the big things in recovery. We look at where we came from, the mistakes we've made, the damage we've caused, and the person we want to become. Step 10 brings the focus back to today. How am I showing up right now? How am I treating people? What is going on inside my head and heart? Am I living by the principles I say I believe in, or am I slipping back into my old behaviors?

For me, taking a personal inventory means being willing to look at my part even when it's uncomfortable. It's easy to point fingers, justify my reactions, or explain why someone else made me angry. It's harder to stop and ask myself why it bothered me so much or what I contributed to the situation. 

Am I holding on to resentment? Am I being dishonest with myself or someone else? Is my pride getting in the way? Am I reacting out of fear instead of faith? Am I making everything about me? Those questions aren't always easy to answer. Sometimes I don't want to admit I'm wrong. Sometimes I want to defend my behavior because I feel justified. Sometimes I can recognize others' parts in a situation faster than I can recognize my own. Step 10 reminds me that my recovery depends on my willingness to be honest with myself.

One of the most important parts is learning to recognize things as they happen instead of waiting until they become bigger problems. Before recovery, I would have let resentment build or convinced myself that I was right. I could spend days replaying a situation in my head and justifying why I felt the way I did. By then the original situation wasn't even the biggest problem anymore. My reaction to it had become its own problem. Step 10 gives me a chance to interrupt that pattern.

When I notice I'm wrong, I can admit it. When I've hurt someone, I can make amends. When resentment starts creeping in, I can talk about it with someone I trust instead of letting it take over my thinking. When fear starts running the show, I can pause and ask God for help. That doesn't mean I always get it right the first time. I'm still human, and I still make mistakes. I still have emotions, bad days, and moments when my old way of thinking wants to take over. The difference is that today I have a way to recognize what's happening and a program and tools that teach me what to do next. The goal isn't to avoid making mistakes. The goal is to become willing to own them and correct them. That's the growth.

Step 10 requires action. It's not enough to recognize that I've done something wrong and then move on as if nothing happened. If I've harmed someone, I need to be willing to make it right. If I owe someone an apology, I need to give it without adding excuses or justifications for my own behavior. If I recognize a pattern that keeps showing up in my life, I need to be willing to work on it. Sometimes the action is simply to stop, get honest, ask for help before I make a situation worse, and then turn my thoughts to someone else I can help.

This is where the spiritual part of the program becomes real. Prayer and reflection matter, but they also need to show up in how I live, how I treat people, and how I handle situations in front of me. I can't ask God to change my life while refusing to look at the parts of myself that need changing. I have to be willing to participate in my own growth.

The Big Book talks about the importance of maintaining our spiritual condition. It's easy to forget how important that is when things are going well. When life feels manageable, it's tempting to let the little things slide. Maybe I’ll stop praying as often, become less willing to listen, or start thinking I have everything figured out and don't need to be as intentional about my recovery. That's a dangerous place for me to get comfortable.

My recovery is a daily reprieve as long as I stay spiritually fit. I don't get to coast on yesterday's spiritual condition and assume I'll be fine tomorrow. I have to keep showing up today. It doesn't mean that I’m living in fear that I'll mess everything up. It means I’m staying aware, staying teachable, and remembering I need help beyond my own willpower. My higher power gives me a new start each day, and I have a responsibility to do something with it. I can spend that day reacting to everything around me, or I can try to live with more patience, honesty, humility, love, and tolerance. I won't always get it right, but I can keep coming back to the principles and tools that help me get back on track.

Step 10 lets me be a work in progress without permitting me to avoid responsibility. I don't have to be perfect, have every reaction figured out, or never feel anger, fear, jealousy, or resentment. What matters is what I do when those things show up. Did I feed them, justify them, let them control my behavior, or am I willing to get honest, ask for help, and take the next right action?

Sometimes growth looks like a heartfelt amends and asking how I can make it right. It may be having a difficult conversation instead of avoiding it. It’s recognizing that my thinking is off, pausing, going to my higher power, and then reaching out before I make a mess of things. Those moments may not seem huge, but they matter. It’s where I start seeing my character defects and shortcomings. They are how I practice living differently. It’s where I start to see the entire psychic change in myself and how I act. 

For me, Step 10 is about living recovery instead of just talking about it. It's about being honest when it's uncomfortable, humble enough to admit when I'm wrong, and willing to make things right as quickly as I can. It's about paying attention to what's happening inside me before it spills into my relationships and actions. Most importantly, it's about remembering that I don't have to do this alone. I can ask my Higher Power for guidance; reach out to another person in recovery, pause before reacting, take responsibility for my mistakes, and keep moving forward instead of staying stuck.

The promises of recovery aren't a reason for me to stop doing the work. They remind me what can happen when I keep practicing these principles in my everyday life. I’m going to make mistakes. I'll have days when my character defects show up before my spiritual principles do. But I don't have to let a bad moment turn into a bad day, or a mistake into a pattern. I can stop, take inventory, admit when I'm wrong, make things right, and turn my attention back to how I can be of service to others.

Recovery isn't about becoming someone who never gets it wrong. It's about becoming someone willing to get honest, take responsibility, and keep growing. I need to be willing to look at my part, do the next right thing, and keep showing up.