The Purpose of Shame

By Lisa Kroencke, Chief Executive Officer

For a long time, I thought shame was the thing I had to hide. Even in early recovery, I still felt it and tried to mask it, not talk about it.

But I had it backward.

Going through the step work in the Big Book, having a spiritual awakening, and walking this spiritual path every day revealed a different perspective. Shame was an asset, not a liability.

Shame doesn't go away when we hide it. It goes away when we bring it into the light, expose it.

Transparency in our stories removes the shame. Not prayer alone, not therapy alone. It's the telling. Sitting across from another alcoholic and saying the thing you swore you'd never say out loud, and watching them nod instead of recoil, because they've been there too.

That's when shame changed for me. It stopped being a liability and became a vehicle for healing – not just for myself, but for other alcoholics and for my family.

Why my story is useful.

Another alcoholic doesn't trust me because I'm smart or credentialed. They trust me because I've lived Step One. I know what the shame feels like. That's the trust bond, and it's what lets healing move between two people.

When I use my story, shame included, to help someone else, I get clarity. I understand what the pain was for. At this pivotal point, the shame I thought was my greatest liability becomes my greatest asset.

No pain without a purpose.

Page 133 of the Big Book says:

"We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free."

No pain without a purpose.

I used to believe this life was full of pain and tears. Using my story to help another person changed that. When I share it, I become someone else's vessel to their own spiritual awakening, their path to freedom. Without my story, I'm just another person trying to get someone sober, and that's not my job. My job is to show someone how I got sober. Not to make them do anything. That's the role of my story. The shame serves a purpose, and the deeper it runs, the more people it helps me reach. That's how I get and stay recovered.

Shame in perspective.

Shame doesn't have to stay a spiritual malady. It can become a point of growth and emotional healing in recovery instead of a wound I keep hidden. It supports my purpose in this new life, and I'm grateful for it.

The shame I ran from turned out to be what qualifies me to help someone else find their way out.

This is where you come in.

If this resonates, if you've been carrying a story alone, we need you.

Come to a meeting. Sponsor a client recovering from alcoholism, a woman in Gaston House, or a man at Moser. Be part of the trust bond that makes this work. Be part of our Community.

Your story might be exactly what someone else needs to hear to find their own way to recovery, releasing the shame and creating a path to freedom.